"Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.
Any time you alter your words or behaviour to fit someone else's needs rather than your own, that is needy. Any time you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that is needy. Any time you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfil yourself that is needy.
Whereas most people focus on what behaviour is attractive/unattractive, what determines neediness (and therefore, attractiveness) is the why behind your behaviour.
You can say the coolest thing or do what everyone else does, but if you do it for the wrong reason, it will come off as needy and desperate and turn people off" ~ Mark Manson
Turning people off is definitely not optimal. I like turning people on as much as the next guy. But there's an even bigger price to be paid here — your own self-worth.
Imagine a world in which you're unanimously adored by millions, but you hate yourself. Are you happy? Is it worth it?
Now imagine a world where you're disliked by everybody, but you love yourself. I propose that self-love-you would be happier.
Because ultimately, in some taoist, roundabout way, the reason we want validation from others is to give us a good enough reason to validate ourselves.
If you compromise yourself in order to gain favour with other people, you'll know. Even if you think you're not keeping score, your subconscious is. And given that you're the sort of person who listens to Modern Wisdom, you probably keep score a lot more accurately than is typical. How do you expect to have faith in yourself if you can't even keep your own word?
Here's the problem: we sacrifice the thing we want (self worth) for the thing which is supposed to get it (validation).
Prioritise yourself.
Chris Williamson | @chriswillx